What's new?

Not much on the adoption front! The great news is...2 out of the 6 children I spoke of have been referred to their forever families today! Which means there are 4 left in the group of children they received...and the 2 girls that were referred were a little older than we had on our preference form. I am starting to get anxious as I know our referral is getting closer! I have no idea just HOW close but that's just how this while adoption thing goes...lots of waiting and patience and letting go of any control whatsoever:)

Waiting and Trusting

Yesterday's devotional in "Jesus Calling" was so relevant and what I needed to hear.

In part.."Waiting for Me to work, with your eyes on Me, is evidence that you really do trust Me. If you mouth the words, "I trust You" while anxiously trying to make things go your way, your words ring hollow....Because you are Mine, you don't just pass time in your waiting. You can wait expectantly, in hopeful trust. Keep your "antennae" out to pick up even the faintest glimmer of My Presence."

A couple of weeks ago I spoke with our coordinator and she told me there were 7 children "in the works", which means they are gathering paperwork to prove their "orphan" status and then they have to have their attorney scan every child's documents to check to make sure all paperwork is correct to make a referral to the adoptive parents.  After a little prying today on the phone, she said a child had been referred back in January, but that she wasn't ready to be submitted for a court date until this week so there are 6 that are still being worked on. I asked if the age ranges were in line with what we had requested and if there were other families that may get referred at the same time where we could all go through the process together in Uganda...I figure it would be nice to have at least one other couple to go through the court, etc. with while there. She said that in fact the children were a great blend of what a few of the families have requested surprisingly, which means since we are next in line for referral, IF those children are in fact proven to be "true orphans" on paper...which is a process...our baby is one of those children! Which means he/she is here...living and breathing somewhere on the other side of the world! Crazy to even comprehend! Please pray with us that IF our child is one of those 6 children, that he or she is protected, safe, and kept healthy during this wait. I tried to pry further of course...BUT to no avail. She said she couldn't go into ANY details...age, sex, where they are, etc...until they are ready to referred. So we wait...and pray for whatever is to come. :) Thanks for your love and support...the words of encouragement, prayers, texts, emails, tshirt orders, donations..anything...no matter how big or small, we truly are so grateful for your love and most importantly..the love for this child!

OUR T-SHIRTS ARE UP FOR SALE!

I ordered our tshirts and they should be here in less than a week! I ordered a heather gray color, very soft knit cotton blend--they are unisex sizes xsmall-xlarge and child's youth sizes small and medium. The image above is what will be printed on them. When I receive an actual tshirt I will put it up on the blog as well:) If you would like to get one, just order on the sidebar of my blog and I will get it to you as soon as they get here! As always...Thanks for your support !

The Best Kind of Love..

Luke 12:48 --"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."


I know we have all had them, those moments when you are touched by something, and you can't even explain why you are so moved by it. I know I have..and mine usually include tears..and it is sometimes sudden and in a place where I need to pull it together. Examples...Gray's 5th birthday party, everyone can attest to my sudden breakdown as he blew out his candles, suddenly realizing my "baby" was officially a "big boy". Another example...in the pediatrician's office when Eli was so sick with the flu (because it reminded me of when he was a tiny baby that couldn't breathe and was rushed to the emergency room) me completely losing it to his Dr. and thanking him 3 years later for coming to the hospital on Christmas Eve when he wasn't even on call...which he kind of got choked up too so we kinda had a moment. (haha) My point is those (embarrassing) moments just happen, sometimes you know why..sometimes you don't. In relation to adoption...on the way home from vacation last year, on a plane...reading "Kisses from Katie". I had already read it once a year or so prior, but rereading it again, I was moved in a way I can't explain. I was crying on the plane with John, not just a tear, like a full on UGLY CRY.  In that moment, I felt like I could actually feel the love in this book for the country and children of Uganda through the writer. 
I still have the little sticky note on the page of one of my favorite quotes, which is in the intro:


"People often ask if I think my life is dangerous, if I am afraid. I am much more afraid of remaining comfortable. Matthew 10:28 tells us not to fear things that can destroy the body but things that can destroy the soul. I am surrounded by things that can destroy the body....Uncertainty is everywhere. But I am living in the midst of the uncertainty and risk, amid things that can and do bring physical destruction, because I am running from things that can destroy my soul: complacency, comfort, and ignorance.  I am much more terrified of living a comfortable life in a self-serving society and failing to follow Jesus than I am of any illness or tragedy."


 Fast forward, applications were done, homestudy done, dossier for Ethiopia done, then these feelings kept coming up..uneasy feelings like something wasn't "right" with our agency...something wasn't "right" with Ethiopia and turns out my feelings were right on point but I still don't know the "whys" of that. We could have still gone with Ethiopia with our current agency, but it's almost like that book was subconsciously a precursor for the decision to move to Uganda. 

Then, I ordered a book called "Ashes to Africa" and this was the first page I flipped to..just to read a quick line or two and this was it: "Any time art touches your life with tears, whether through a story, song, film, or painting, it was wise to pay attention to those tears because your tears could help you find your heart. And if you found your heart, you found what was dear to God. If you found what was dear to God, you found the answer to how you should live your life."

I immediately upon reading this thought, "YES! Reading that book, NOW I know why I was so moved! I don't think that was coincidence...I KNOW it was no coincidence." And because I like to know the "WHY" of everything and the reasoning behind it, I often overanalyze my decisions and question myself but the decision to switch agencies and countries has never once made me feel that was the wrong decision. For once, I can actually say I feel very confident it was the RIGHT decision.  

I want to always remember the little "ah-ha" moments through this process. I like to think it is God's little way of letting me know we are on the right track.. to the right child, HIS child, who He has planned for us from the very beginning.  

The paperwork is over...for now

DONE! All paperwork, REALLY THIS TIME, is done! Until after the referral that is...then the real fun begins with paperwork! I completely understand it, but man is it a process. I made my final trip to UPS to mail some documents to immigration to switch our country of origin from Ethiopia to Uganda (that was actually FREE, can you believe it? I can't!...but if you decide you want to switch countries again, there's a $400 price tag attached;o)
Our revised homestudy arrived yesterday in the mail and it was what I needed to make that change complete. So now we are truly in the WAIT, WAIT, Wait some more stage. We stay so busy, I am sure the time will fly by. What is nervewracking for me is not the actual wait , but the unknown of when it will be, and all the details to follow...traveling, etc...you know, that's when that whole control issue comes in. And then I have to remind myself that I have ZERO control over that!
Spoke with one of my bestest friends of over 12 years this am, and she put into perspective that God wants us to live with joy, not anxious thoughts...it says it over and over in the Bible...to be joyous.
I love getting encouragement like that in the form of a quick conversation..because it does keep you thinking and reminded of what is commanded of us and what we should be focused on being made of. Thank you Tamara!

A Letter...

Hi little one..

You are so close to becoming a part of our family and we are so excited to finally see your face! We never knew in the beginning of this journey we would become so attached to a child we have yet to meet. I know you are in Uganda, waiting, and ready to have a mommy and daddy who adore you..and as a bonus..you get THREE big brothers! How cool is that?

Tyler is already picking out names. He prays nightly for a baby sister, but says if you are a baby brother instead, he will be ok with that too:) His girl names are Elizabeth and Isabella and if a boy are Max, Noah, or Gabriel. Honestly, your mama hasn't even thought about names yet! I can't even begin to think of a name for a boy, since I have named 3 boys already..and a girl name seems so odd to me at this point I can't even imagine. I really want to meet you and decide or maybe your name will be something we can shorten..we will see! I didn't know your brother Gray's name until his birth because I didn't learn the gender until then, and even on the way to the hospital your Aunt Ang was making fun of me because I hadn't even planned what it would be if he was a girl! I was so certain he was a boy, I didn't feel the need to even plan for a girl..and guess what? I was right:)

I spoke to our coordinator today and we should be receiving your picture in the next couple of months! We are so excited to meet you and yet sad for your mommy who had to make a hard decision to let you go. I admire her so much and I pray for her all the time. I pray we can keep your heritage alive and always incorporate Uganda/Africa in your life. I pray I can be a mother who can provide you with all of the love and values your culture holds dear.

You, my child, were fearfully and wonderfully made. You have big things to come in your life...I know this. I have known this since the day we made the first step to you. To be completely honest, I am anxious..but more than that, I am excited..and unbelievably blessed to have the opportunity to be a mother to a precious child, chosen by God specifically for our family.  I may feel inadequate many times and not prepared in many ways for what is to come...but thankfully He has that covered. I don't need to worry about that:)

We Love You Dearly,
Mommy and daddy

adoption poem

Legacy of An Adopted Child

Author Unknown

Once there were two women,

Who barely knew each other.

One is in your heart forever,

The other you’ll call mother.

Two different lives,

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,

And the second taught you how to live it.

The first gave you a need for love,

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you a family,

It was what God intended for her to do.

The other prayed for a child,

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age old question through the years.

Heredity or environment…

Which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling… neither,

Just two different kinds of love.

Depraved Indifference

Powerful video--

Behind These Eyes...

Behind these eyes..
Is a boy. Although reluctant, still hopeful.

Behind these eyes..
Is a girl. But also a body and spirit created for something bigger than where she is.

Tonight I pray for peace over these little ones who feel unloved, broken, and forgotten. I pray for their safety and comfort, and hope they find relief soon. I pray the adoption world would begin to change in a positive way...one in which they care wholeheartingly for the children in need rather than their bottom line. I pray that I remember that I was once orphaned, yet once I was accepted by God's grace,  I became His Daughter...A Daughter of a King. Just as I was dirty and sinful and shameful, he cleansed me, wiped me off, hugged me, and said you know what Amy, it's gonna be ok. You are no longer an orphan." I pray I can give our children this same grace, to have the patience and love that I am continually shown. No matter how many times I want to run away from His truth.. fail, and falter, He is watching and patiently waiting...waving for me to come on back in the house, take a warm bath, relax, and rejoice in His relentless love. Thank you God for continually inviting me to come back Home.

Dossier is sent!

I officially sent our Uganda dossier today - and finished our home study revision yesterday. So nice to be done with paperwork...again.  It was much easier the second time, as I had already gotten a lot of the tedious work done the first time in the Ethiopia dossier process.

My coordinator still thinks we are looking at a spring referral which is very exciting! But, I have to say, the closer spring comes, the more nervous I become. It's more like very excited...scared out of my mind...emotional....excited....anxious....excited.....worried....excited....ok, you get the picture. Just the reality of everything happening and moving forward is overwhelming. I can remember being pregnant with my 3rd baby and thinking, "I can't wait for the baby to just get here where I can just get in my groove." The anticipation of "what was to be" was a cause of my anxiety. I tend to have those feelings now.

The difference is...when I was pregnant at this stage, I was thinking of baby names and planning the nursery and picking out cute clothes ....but instead now I am thinking about going to court with birth parents and foster parents and/or orphanage directors and what ifs like the judge not granting us guardianship (it does happen), having to leave our new baby in Uganda to travel on planes for over a day to come home empty-handed. It's different, and although we don't have a face for our child, we are already worried about his/her well being. How he or she will be treated while we are gone, are they eating enough, are their needs being met, are their diapers being changed?

The reality of all of this is challenging to say the least. Thank God I have faith. I know everything will work out. It always does...and it's been pretty easy thus far to trust in timing and accepting the control (lack of that is) issue. But, I would be lying if I said it's all just peachy and I see everything through rose colored glasses. I am scared, nervous, excited, amazed, and all the while HONORED to be given this opportunity to challenge my comfort zone. It all comes down to this...These babies need love. And that to me makes every ounce of every emotion worth it.

A baby home in Uganda