Bittersweet (revisited)

 Here is an excerpt from a new book I am reading called "Bittersweet"...

"This is what I’ve come to believe about change: it’s good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean that it’s incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that it has the potential to open you up, to open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God’s hand, which is where you wanted to be all long, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly what you thought it should be...it is not life's cruelty, but a function of God's graciousness."

That's the season right now for us. Change... A redirection from the norm.  If life is always sweet, it rots our soul...if it's bitter, we get to experience life and develop the true grace that we need to be whole. When I wrote my last post, that's how I felt about moving forward without our daughter in our arms. It felt SO bitter, but beautifully sweet at the same time.

She is being lifted by name in prayer by hundreds of people that she's never had before.  Can you even imagine, that this tiny little girl was chosen to be the one to be in on this adventure? She has to be pretty darn special right? And now she will get to know God..through love and support. THAT is beautiful.

She is able to be reunited with her biological sister, who she absolutely adores. Seeing them together is just something I will never forget. Her older sister, very young herself, after getting a piece of food, would always pinch off a piece for Eliana. She would always hold her hand automatically to lead her where she needed to go. She would let her sit in her lap and let her do the annoying things that sisters do without ever complaining. She would teach her how to use her little iPad and teach her how to hold a pencil. To think about them not being together in the future is so heartbreaking I can't even put it into words. But now, they are together. THAT is sweet.

To think about a beautiful young mother (who is exactly my age by the way) that wants her children, if the work can be done to help her heal,  to give her grace and forgiveness and to teach the TRUTH to her (that she is worthy, loved, forgiven, chosen...) ..that she can feel empowered and take care of these children and they can be a family again. THAT is SO sweet!

I can just envision the day I see my "brother from a darker mother" (Francis) in Uganda, and he can take us to their home, and I can see these kids together, running to their mama to be hugged, and seeing that mother smile and experience the joy that comes from those moments. THAT is beautiful.

To take away all the beautiful and sweet to focus on the bitter isn't productive or encouraging, so if anyone feels sad or bitter for our family, please don't... focus on the SWEET that's to come for Eliana.
Because redemption...THAT is oh. so. sweet.

A Bitter and Painfully Sweet Goodbye

As many of you know, we had a flight scheduled tonight at 6 pm to start our journey to Uganda for our second trip. This morning, I woke up at 1:00 am and tried hard to go back to sleep but couldn't so decided to check my email. I had emailed the lady who had performed our private investigation and asked about some of the content of the report. She responded back with news that sent chills down my spine.
The dishonesty began a very long time ago unknown to us and knowing more about the case now, it screams child trafficking and corruption. The kind you watch and read about in the media and cringe...the kind where you just wonder how in the world did this get so tangled? There is so much more to the story that there is no way to explain it all in a blog post and honestly thats now not my story to tell. The family felt hopeless, but when asked privately, they said they WANT their daughter and granddaughter, if only they could support her financially. At first thought, I said to myself, "well, they can't financially care for her, so she can't stay there." But the more John and I thought about it, the worse and worse we felt.

Poverty alone is never a reason to adopt. It's not right, it's not ethical, and it's certainly not biblical. We said from the beginning, we wanted to commit ourselves to an ethical adoption, one in which the mother and father are deceased or if alive, want nothing to do with their child.  A Ugandan child that has a mother that wants her should be with her mother. Period. And if we truly are caring for orphans and widows as we were originally called to do, then it certainly isn't taking someone's baby due to poverty.  I know most of you have heard this verse:

Now this holds a different meaning in addition to adoption that I didn't understand before,  it also means to help widows and as I (very selfishly) want to ignore that little tidbit, it's there for a reason...because it's what is right.  It's not always adoption that provides his redemption and love. It's helping others because you love that child and widow like they were your own child or mother. To adopt this little girl, after knowing this, would go against everything we believe in.  Since the day the biological mother was discovered something hasn't felt right. We couldn't put our finger on it and we don't think it's a coincidence that we found these things out in the early morning of the day we were set to leave.  I didn't understand the need to "help them help themselves" until I was in Uganda and saw firsthand that what these people need to end the poverty cycle is empowerment and education. I fully love and support adoption of course when there is no other alternative, but there has to be a change within the cycle or it keeps being repeated over and over again. Simply going to the country, handing out clothes, shoes, money, etc. is helpful, but what happens when there is no more handouts?

This is undoubtably the hardest decision we have ever had to make, to work so hard to make something happen that is honoring a child that deserves so much more, and to see it crumble right before us is agonizing, but this is the end of this chapter for us. It's shocking to even type. I know it's shocking to read. Everyone wants a happy ending, I know. Oh how I wish I could say it was less complicated and we could post beautiful airport pictures and live happily ever after. However, this adoption..the highs and lows have been some of the most stressful, meaningful, fulfilling, confusing, yet beautiful adventure I personally have ever taken. I can't even begin to explain the life lessons I learned in regard to poverty, the AIDS epidemic and the stigma associated with it, African culture, adoption corruption, and what it means to truly submit to control. I have learned how selfish I really am, how the feeling of helping someone who can do nothing for me is more fulfilling than any fleeting feeling of buying more for myself, that my problems really aren't problems, that I complain too much, that I had no clue before what true need is, that I should never judge a book by its cover and the person in need that we tend to overlook may also be the very one who saves us.

So although heartbreaking, the positive lessons far outweigh the bad. I am so thankful Eliana has so many people praying for her now and forevermore. I am so thankful to have so many giving, gracious friends who selflessly endured this long, extremely unpredictable ride with my family and held my hand every step of the way and never gave up, even when I felt like it. I saw God alive in so many ways that I would do this all again just to experience Him the way I had the opportunity to during this time. I learned the true hearts of people that I underestimated before....and learned that meeting a friend/spiritual mentor can happen in the most unlikely places (yes, even in a random van on the other side of the world).
There is going to be a lot of work ahead for the family in working towards being able to provide enough to live comfortably, but education and psychological counseling are two very strong components in beginning the reunification of a family.  We plan to be a part of this process as well, working with an organization in Uganda whose work is dedicated solely to this. Ellie will go back to Arise and Shine and be with her sister Rebecca, until her family can get on their feet and then ultimately be reunited. Now that in my eyes, is a happy ending. That is the way God intended it.  It still stings and hurts and will take to time to recover from, but we have faith this is best for Ellie.

We don't know what the future holds for our family..but I am so thankful and fulfilled to have 3 little healthy boys who call me mama. That is enough, and having a daughter..if even for a little while, was worth it and to God I am forever grateful for that privilege.
Please keep our family and more importantly Eliana's family in your prayers. I know everyone loves and cares for her already and has so many questions but please just give us some time to heal and move forward from everything for now. I mean that in the nicest way possible, it's just too fresh and we are still processing everything as well to answer too many questions right now.
On a much more positive note, Your donations are still sending Francis to college, and I can not wait to present this to him and will keep everyone posted once he decides on his University and curriculum! We raised $4,000! That is a great victory in itself.
THANK YOU all, your hearts and love is something I only hope I can give back in some way some day. Thank you for sharing this with our family...I hope God taught all of us just a little bit through this adoption. I didn't lose a daughter, I gained a big piece of my heart I never even knew I was missing.

It's been awhile..

I've been updating my Facebook page and realized that I haven't updated my blog in a while. We have been crazy busy this summer since I got back from Uganda. We decided to get a Private investigation done and a DNA test, to rule out any other possible surprises that could give the US Embassy any reason to deny us. So right now, we are waiting on 3 things...the new court ruling, the PI investigative report, and the DNA results. On Friday, the lady conducting our test went to get results and they came back inconclusive. She said that they are doing the test again on Monday in hopes to have a definitive answer. She said the testing company told her that this happens on occasion and it is nothing to be concerned about. Also, it has been 9 days since they went to court, and the judge took 9 days last time to issue the written ruling, so we are hoping that we will get that ruling early this week. If we can get that this week, that is all that's needed to go to the US Embassy appt...so I could possibly be going at the end of the week to Uganda...that way I can get an appt with the US Embassy next Monday or Wednesday. They only do appts on these days. But I had rather have the DNA and investigative report done before I leave, where I am not waiting for that while in country. It's not necessary for the Embassy, but I feel like it will give us more leverage for an approved case. So please pray for the ruling, and results of PI come back early this week where I can fly over at the end of the week!
Just wanted to update everyone, I have had lots of people ask what we are waiting on and I know it's all confusing to keep up with! I thought I was going to be there by now..but the tests and rulings are taking longer than anticipated (of course!)

Thank you all for your love and prayers and about those thank you notes....um, yeah I kinda stink at those these days.  So many have done so much for our family and just know although I am being oh so "Un-southern" and not writing a thank you on my monogrammed paper (ha!) that I am beyond grateful for your meals and notes, and gifts , and prayers for our family these past few months!!

And lastly, for everyone who has donated so far to Francis' college fund, a huge thank you! If you are not on Facebook, you can see the link below and read all about a fundraiser I started a few days ago. We have already reached 35% of our goal, $1040.00! If you haven't donated, please consider it. If anyone deserves this gift that keeps on giving it is Francis!

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/vfy4/francis-onyinge-s-college-fund

Let Him Take Care of the Mountains...

I received the following in my inbox this morning from Francis in Uganda. If this man can't go to school to become a teacher then it would be a giant waste of a brilliant mind!  

"Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning." Psalms 30:4-5. 

" My dear Amy, many are the pains a mother goes through. Do not let any thing or any one take away what you did or what you are doing for Ellie here. Even one day with love is better than a thousand spent else where full of hate. Jesus is always perfecting our love for people, and I can assure you that it won't stop even in Heaven. Please don't look at the negative because when they are juxtaposed and contrasted with a second or a micro second of positive love and goodness extended to the least in our world, it pales in comparison. No, pale is too soft; it dies. Negativity dies in the presence of a stroke of positive. In this world you will meet a cocktail of people who do things that can break your heart or pinch your heart to the point of lifelessness, but do not give them that energy. You are too decent for that. You live above the emotional average. You are better. As a child of Jesus and His amazing follower, good, better and best and non starters. Excellent is where you start. The only condition for this in Christ is that we don't have to do this in our ability. Read Zachariah 4:6."t any thing or any one take away what you did or what you are doing for Ellie here. Even one day with love is better than a thousand spent else where fuJesus is always perfecting our love for people, and I can assure you that it won't stop even in Heaven. Please don't look at the negative because when they are juxtaposed and contrasted with a second or a micro second of positive love and goodness extended to the least in our world, it pales in comparison. No, pale is too soft; it dies. Negativity dies in the presence of a stroke of positive. In this world you will meet a cocktail of people who do things that can break your heart or pinch your heart to the point of lifelessness, but do not give them that energy. You are too decent for that. You live above the emotional average. You are better. As a child of Jesus and His amazing follower, good, better and best and non starters. Excellent is where you start. The only condition for this in Christ is that we don't have to do this in our ability. Read Zachariah 4:6."


I read Zachariah 4:6: "So he said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty."

God had promised through the prophet Zechariah the obstacles to Zerubbabel's task of rebuilding the Temple would be removed. He said , "Nothing, not even a mighty mountain will stand in Zerubbabel's way; it will flatten out before him!" (4:7) 
He can turn mighty mountains into roadways of redemption. On this "journey" to Eliana, the only way to overcome obstacles is by faith in God's power to move these mountains. It can not and will not be my willful personality, or my sheer willpower...that's simply not enough to get through any roadblocks we will face....He made the mountains and He will tear them down in His time. In Zech. 4:10 He says, "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin." 
Because of that promise...we will walk, step by step, and let Him take care of the mountains.

She isn't mine...

I got home and couldn't keep my eyes awake past 6:30. All of my mind wanted to enjoy the comforts of home and to relish in my boys, but my heart couldn't even bear the thought of Eliana and her sister being on a dirt floor somewhere, hungry, and mistreated. I know what she was like when I found her and I know I can't let that happen again. So after talking to John , we finally figured out how to dial Uganda from an American number and we spoke directly with Alone (the director). He wouldn't answer the attorney or Francis all day. I told him he had 2 choices...to have the girls ready to pick up when they woke up (it was nighttime there) or I will have cops at his home to arrest him in 10 minutes. I asked which would it be? He agreed to sending them with Francis, only if we had the paperwork with him to prove our guardianship order. So Francis got the order from our attorney, Rebecca, and today is getting them.
I heard from Rebecca, and she said the judge said that she is willing to resign papers and meet with the living mother to sign an irrevocable release because she saw the difference in Eliana while with me and she deserves to be with me. So as long as the mother will sign, we can move forward. Thankfully, I know she will be taken care of, fed, and treated the way she should be at Arise and Shine. My friend told Sharon, the lady who runs it, thank you. She said, "I have to take care of these babies. Who else will?" People like this....how do they help others so abundantly when they have nothing themselves? They live in a place that is so hopeless and depressing and still..just continue to nurture others every single day. So inspiring and I just pray one day I have that much spirit, patience, and love and can help others as they have me.

I read this morning in my devotional,

“SEEK MY FACE, and you will find fulfillment of your deepest longings. My world is filled with beautiful things; they are meant to be pointers to Me, reminders of My abiding Presence. The earth still declares My Glory to those who have eyes that see and ears that hear.

You had a darkened mind before you sought Me wholeheartedly. I chose to pour My Light into you, so that you can be a beacon to others. There is no room for pride in this position. You part is to reflect My Glory. I am the Lord.”

Psalm 105:4 – Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.

Psalm 19:1-2 – The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge.

Isaiah 60:2 – See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you.

I had a very hard time understanding this morning when I woke up (at 1 am our time by the way) the whys of this situation. Then I read this and I have peace. I want to have "eyes that see and ears that hear." I want to see the "beautiful things" that God has shown us so far. I got a slap across the face almost that He said "She is not yours. She never was. She never will be. She is MINE. You are mine. Your kids are mine. Your husband is mine." Why am I to feel like something was taken from me that was never mine to begin with? Pride? As I read this passage..it clearly says "There is no room for pride in this position." It is all for HIS glory. It's His story to tell. Not mine. And what a beautiful story she is.

First day we met Eliana

Far left is last day

Goodbye

The call came from Jen, Rebeccas mom at about 1 pm, as the girls were going down to nap. She said "I have bad news. There is a mom that is alive. They went to the fathers grave and found a mom living at the home the father was buried." I felt like the earth just collapsed. I panicked , didn't know who to call, or what to do. I called the US Embassy, got no good news, called my attorney, she was shocked and heartbroken and completely at a loss for words. She was angry of course.  I called Jen back and we spoke for a while and agreed I had to come home, Francis would take Eliana to her medical, thank God I got her passport that morning already. That deserves a whole post in itself...that whole experience. Let's just say I have never been so thankful to be American.
So we called the orphanage director, and his brother came. But first, we had a huge meal. Pizza, pita bread, ice cream, chocolate cake, and any candy they wanted to eat. I brushed their teeth and mom packed their bags. They were so happy and full and played with bubbles and laughed and laughed. They had no idea what was going on.
We walked them down to the car to meet Francis and the orphanage director's brother, and they even got in and waved. They thought we were coming too. We always have... But we didn't. We cried and cried and went back upstairs to an empty room. It was horrible. The worst thing either of us has ever had to do. Then suddenly via Facebook I spoke with a sweet friend, Amanda Morgan, she is a FB adoption friend. We have never met but she has saved me numerous times in this process. She knew of a lady named Sharon who is willing to watch them at Arise and Shine in Jinja until we can sort anything out and see if there is a chance we can work this out. So I called Francis, to get the kids. BUT, Alone (the director) would not give them back. He said he is taking them. I screamed and demanded and told him I was having him arrested but to no avail. We drove to the airport in silence, through bumpy backroads and Francis prayed another amazing prayer and gave me his strong words of encouragement. As always. That man never fails to surprise me. He is undoubtably one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. I say beautiful not in the way I would have ever thought beautiful was before being in Uganda. Beautiful is not our bodies or in our possessions.  True beauty is Francis. His heart for God. His light always shining in his actions and words. THAT is real beauty...he will be a lifelong friend. So we got on that plane that night and had no idea where the girls were or if they were ok. It was devastating.
The flights home were uneventful and long of course. We cried on and off and wondered why. Then we finally landed in Nashville.
John and my boys greeted me with lots of flowers and hugs and love and I couldn't quit crying as I hugged them. I, even now, can't quit crying. It's just so bitter sweet..being home, but having a piece of my heart still missing still on the other side of the world.

Weekends are SLOWWWWW

So the weekends here are very slow so we are trying to stay busy and stay outside and enjoy the beautiful weather. It is very pleasant here, cooler than home even. During rainy season (which we are in) , the weather is very nice because the rain keeps it cooler. We are getting in a good rhythm with naps and bedtime...they usually go down for a nap around 1:00 so thats a good time to blog and catch up on some computer stuff.
The first 2 weeks weren't too bad and now into the 3rd week, I am really missing my boys (all 4 of them). It is much worse on the weekend when we have no immediate goals to work on. Also, there are Ugandan holidays coming up...which means offices are closed. So medicals are only done on M, T and F and they are closed this Tuesday for Martyrs Day so I don't know if we can finish medicals like I anticipated this week? Also, the Embassy only does appts on Mon and Wed. and they are closed next Monday for National Hero's Day! So we couldn't get our Embassy appt on that day either. So if every star aligned and we got medicals done this week and then we could do our Embassy appt. next Wed. then we could pick up our visa on that Friday. But the chances of that happening are very slim:(
We will just have to wait and leave it all in God's Hands because it is nothing we can control!
Leaving the hotel here is hard..the pollution automatically gives me a bad headache and the smell of most of the people here is stifling. Body odor is a serious, major problem here! No one seems to notice or care though!
I was warned about this waiting period, and how hard it is, but I have to just soldier through it and keep as busy as we can. I miss TN so bad, I may kiss the ground when I return!
The girls are doing great. They seem to be having a big ole time here....but I suppose swimming and playing all day isn't so bad huh? They love the pool, so I took them down there all morning to play, then we went to lunch and waiting our usual hour for a cheese pizza:) They have been patient, and I am learning how girls operate now. Much different than boys for sure! Prayers for a good, productive Monday here...that we can pick up the passport and begin our Medicals this week. If we get that done...it's just one more stop until we are Tennessee bound! Of course I will keep everyone posted!!

We got a ruling..and what comes next!

So, we got a call around 5:30 pm today, we got a positive ruling from court! Our attorney hopes we get our written one tomorrow but I am not expecting that of course. Monday/Tuesday would be much more reasonable to expect. I am listing the steps in country for my sweet friends who are following us each step of the way! I will try my best to explain and to not be too confusing..

1. COURT! (May 20, 2014)
2. Verbal Ruling (May 29, 2014)
3. Written Ruling (May 30, 2014)
4. Apply for Passport (May 30, 2014)
5. Pick up passport (June 4, 2014)
6. Go for IOM Medical Exam (June 20, 2014)
7. Follow up for IOM Medical Exam Results (June 23, 2014)
8. Court Rehearing for Birthmother and relatives (June 20, 2014)
9. New Written Ruling
10. DNA Results In
11. Private Investigation Complete
12. Document Review at US Embassy
13. US Embassy Exit Visa Appointment
14. Pick up Visa 

GO HOME!!!!!!!!

So we get our written ruling, and then after we get, we can go directly to the passport office to apply for her passport. This on average, takes around 4 days with our attorney, up to a week. Like I said, this is an average, and not to be confused with anything absolute. If I have learned anything it is not to expect ANYTHING! Taking it one day at a time is crucial for not having major meltdowns, which I have had and will certainly have again.

Then as soon as we get our passport, we can go and get her medical exam, which is a very basic physical and other basic tests, which we already have, but the Embassy needs to be able to travel home. After we go back to get our TB skin test read (in 3 days), we can schedule our Embassy paper review and appt..which is only done on 2 days a week. Then, after the appt, we can pick up our visa in 2 days to come home! 

So as you can see, we are at the mercy of the timing of these events to take place in a fashion that allows us to move through quickly or not. 

I do not know a date we will be home, I have no clue what obstacles we will cross, or if there will be any big ones. We just literally have to go day by day, step by step, until we reach the finish line!!

One thing is for sure, this sweet little girl, who I am learning is more like me than I ever imagined, will be very worth it!

Thank you all again for every single prayer during this time!!

Waiting on a ruling...and another little one with us for a while..

So it's the final day of waiting for our ruling..which was promised today. I wish it would just come already! I've done pretty good with the waiting so far. Much better than I thought I would. We went to Jinja yesterday for the day and it was so pretty! We took a boat ride down to the source of the Nile and it was so beautiful. We saw monkeys and birds and lizards and all sorts of interesting things! We took about 200 pics...only to realize at the end...there was no memory card in there! Uh!
Oh well, I have my memories I suppose. Then we went and ate at "Surgios". I had heard so many great things about the pizza there and they were right. Next to Francis' home cooked meal, this was my favorite meal yet. Then we went down to the town square to shop the local vendors. We definitely will be going back to Jinja to relax some more.
Ellie is doing great with us. Very attached to me, but now is able to go to Meme without crying and can tell me "bye" and know that I will be back. She is still sleeping so well and responding very well to our language now. She knows many basic words, she doesn't say them, but I know she understands me well for the most part. She catches on so fast! She knows potty and sit and NO (haha) and today my new one for her is "No whining". She tends to whine when she wants something bc she doesn't have the language to tell me but we are working on improving that!
Our biggest issue is food. The necessary evil these days. She screams at the store bc she can't have to things we put in the basket, even though we just ate...because she doesn't think she will get them later. She cries over wanting food and not having enough food and then on top of all of that, she is PICKY now. What you ask? The child 2 weeks ago who was wasting away to nothing? Yes, thats her! ha So I am working on really being strict at meals to help her along. That was something I was prepared for, but still as frustrating as it is for both of us,  I know she has a great reason to be this way...when all she has known up until this point is a meal a day and feeling hungry. Her taste buds are not accustomed to anything other than bland foods. So time will have to pass, and many tears will have to be shed, to ultimately click in her brain that YOU WILL GET FOOD. And it will be enough!
I wanted to put the bad and the good bc I don't ever want anyone to read this blog and think "Oh, its so amazing, she is perfect, and they lived happily ever after!" Just like my bio kids, there are challenges, just different ones. But she really is such a sweet little girl. She smiles a lot now and you can just look at her and know how happy she is. That makes me super happy. She has come so very far!
Her sister Rebeccah will begin staying with us after tonight for a week or 2. Her mom went to the Embassy appt yesterday and was told her case was being investigated and that it would take 1-2 weeks and her mom has to go home to go back to work. So I offered to watch Rebecca until she got her visa. If not, she would have to go back to live in Jinja, and believe me, I could not watch that happen. It tears my heart to even imagine her going back there to live like that. So I went from 3 boys to 2 girls while here...i am going to learn really quickly what life is like with girls! Rebecca is a sweet little thing, so we will be just fine.
Next time I post, we will hopefully have a ruling! Fingers crossed!

Who is Ellie?

Ellie is a little girl, who at first glance, we thought... was a weak, timid, scared, nervous, shy little girl. Now we know otherwise...the real Eliana. The real Eliana... dances every time she hears music, waves at passing strangers on the street, pitches hissy fits when you tell her No, loves bananas and muffins and despises most other fruits and veggies...she loves to sing "Hallelujah, Bodo Boko ( which means God is Good...I'm just spelling it how it sounds so thats not correct Lusoga by the way) Amen!"...she loves to play chase, look at herself in the mirror and talk, and absolutely adores shoes.  She is potty trained, and independent, and smart as a whip. She looks like a 1 year old, but has the agility and smarts of a child twice her age. She pushes limits and blows kisses and loves to sing to herself and play with dolls.
She is nothing we thought she was, yet everything we could hope she would, or could be.  She is no longer a statistic, an orphan, or a poor, voiceless child. She is our daughter. She was chosen, loved, and adopted by His grace. Every single ounce of glory belongs to God, who allowed this divine intervention. We are just the ones in between that said yes.

We BOTH cry.

As we lay here tonight. Both of us, a little lonely, wishing to feel better, for everything to feel just a little bit more like home. A familiar sound, touch, taste, or voice. Both of us lay in silence and feel empty. This sweet little girl, who I feel completely and utterly my daughter from day one, feels like a stranger to me when I hear my youngest boy on the phone saying, "Mommy, are you coming soon?" I will...baby, I will soon. I don't know the date or how many weeks but I will. The feeling of not knowing takes my breath away.
I am the one who can't go away on vacation for more than 5 days without coming home early. I know I'm not the first to do this, to adopt in a foreign country, to be away from 3 little boys for many weeks, but tonight, it hurts to even fathom being here another day. At the same time, I know, the beautiful, small, precious little life next to me, feels even more alone..and lonely...and afraid. And she doesn't know the familiar will be back. As a matter of fact, it never will be. No matter how bad her past, she remembers it as HOME. It was her comfort, her stability, her place. And no matter what she grieves, I will never understand that. I don't know what it means to truly need, or to see my brothers and sisters cry from hunger or lack of care. I have no idea what it means to truly suffer. It breaks my heart to pieces to think I could grieve for what I want and to see what a I can't give all at the same time.
Tonight I pray to have a renewed sense of purpose. To be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
No matter how much I miss home, this angel laying on my chest as I breathe, is worth any moment of heartache.
My first and only daughter...we will fight this all together. And we will win.

Church Day!

Ellie and I in our dresses we got at the African market yesterday

Meme and Ellie's first picture together:)

Ellie trying to balance a water bottle on her head like many women do here..

We got ready and had breakfast this morning and then Francis picked us up at noon to go to his house to meet his kids and have lunch with Harriet and some neighbors...best meal we have eaten BY FAR! It was so delicious!

After lunch Francis asked us to lead a lesson for the kids in the neighborhood that meet at his house on Saturdays. His daughter prayed a beautiful prayer...I have never heard an 8 year old pray like that! He said Wednesdays the adults meet at his house for Bible study as well. We chose the story of Noah and the Ark, Francis played the piano while we sang some songs and then we played "Simon Says" which they loved. They had never heard of it before.

A little girl we met there whose mother helps out sometimes (she's a neighbor) was there with her little baby sister and it was so amazing to see her take care of that baby like it was her own! She also did all of our dishes by hand after we ate lunch. She is SEVEN! Never complained, never quit smiling. These kids just amaze me. Every single day.

Wototo Church in Kampala

Church was unlike anything we would have expected in Africa. Very contemporary. It lasts 2 hours. They have 2 services on Saturday night and 5 services on Sunday! They all have 5,000 people that attend each sermon! They taught on what it means to have a biblical family and marriage. Great, full day! Our wifi is sketchy so my blogs some days are short and sweet:) 

Meme is here!

Mom got into town at around 12:30 Friday morning. We had a very busy day on Friday...we went to our first African market..

It was a lot of fun, it was neat seeing the ladies actually sitting and making everything by hand. 

There were babies everywhere, just hanging out, playing with whatever was around. I'm still astonished at how well kids behave here! I bought some jewelry, a bag, a dress, and Ellie a little wooden pink truck toy (she loves cars and being outside, she's gonna fit in fine at our house!), a cute little dress, and an a bracelet. Also got my boys some cute little gifts..successful trip. Next up was a trip about an hour and a half away to the Equator..

Ellie pointing to where she is...

Ellie pointing to where she is going..

This was mom's first day so she was taking pictures of all the wild animals on the way there...goats, cows, chickens...we saw mango trees, avocado trees, banana trees...we saw a disturbing bunch of cows in the back of a truck and mom stopped to take a pic and the man in the back with them got mad and acted like he was going to throw a banana at her! She didn't even notice...she just kept snapping away! ha! But then up the road those same cows were in front of us, I think that was about the time I decided to give up beef forever! Ugh, I'll never get that sight out of my head. Once again, nothing anyone cares to read about on here, just trust me on this one! We saw men fishing for "lung fish"..apparently they don't have gills and that's about the only thing I know about that odd fish? It was a good, busy day!

First day with Ellie alone...

So John left last night and my moms flight got delayed a day so she won't be in until around midnight tonight or after since she will ride from Entebbe to Kampala.  Ellie and I started our day with breakfast with Francis at our hotel. 2 funny things, one not really funny actually. Just to let anyone know, I am fine with oohing and ahhing over my child, but don't just randomly come up and start asking to take pictures with her, pick her out of my arms and run off with her out of sight! Ellie started screaming..and I ran to get her and still this lady insisted on knowing her whole life story. But then, she proceeds to ask if Francis is her father! He said, "No" and I said "No, He is my friend." She said, "well where is her father? Is he black? I mean she can't be mixed, she is too black!" At this point, I politely tell her to back off. Mama Bear will come out and claws may come out as well so just keep stepping lady. Whew, the first of many I am sure, but man was she persistent! Francis and I just laughed about it later..people can be so funny(and weird!)
Next we went to St. Francis school because we promised Engrid last night we would come to read. We went down a very bumpy red dirt road and ended at a school with no sidewalks, just rocky red dirt with wild chickens running everywhere. As we walked up, teachers came out to greet us and all of the kids were gathering at the windows to wave at us. We finally made our way to "P2" (second grade class) and were given a very warm welcome!

We read 2 books and the second book the very first book said "Where is Ellie?" So ironic and crazy! I kept one of the books as a souvenir for that wonderful experience. They sang us the sweetest song when we left too.:) I could have stayed there all day long! And I may just have to go back soon to spend some more time there!

Next we went to Acadia mall and Ellie played in an indoor playing area with slides and ball pits and it was only 3,000 shillings, which is 1.25 US dollars! We spent a couple hours there and she got to enjoy time with her sister playing and having lunch. Then she came home and cried herself to sleep during her nap. She was so tired it was hard for her to go to sleep.
It's been a week today since we landed in Uganda but it seems like an eternity! I have really enjoyed my first week. John landed in Nashville officially and my mom will be here soon! Ellie has been singing and dancing and kissing me and calling me mama all day. It seems like she's been with us forever too. God is good:)

Traffic, celebrating, and goodbyes..

 Today, which I wish I got a picture..I saw 3 men and a goat on a "boda boda" (motorcycle). The goat was riding on the back with his legs tied with rope. I asked Francis where is the goat going? He replies, "Oh, to be slaughtered." Wish I had not asked..Poor goat! Having to weave in and out of traffic in Kampala on a boda boda is not a good way to go out I promise! The drivers are now required to wear helmets, but no one else is...so women, children, women breastfeeding babies, goats, pigs...anything goes. Literally! Also, if you are even a bit bothered by public breastfeeding, don't come to Africa. We had to go to a medical office today to pick up a form and literally there are women sitting everywhere just hanging out with babies breastfeeding...one crossed the street, hanging out topless breastfeeding...no one seems to even notice.
We went to the Acadia mall today, which was very nice. Nice coffee shops, etc...Francis over coffee told us all about their children's culture. I notice everywhere the children here are just so well behaved! It's absolutely crazy to me how they listen so well. I had to know all the secrets. The secret is there is no secret. Consistent discipline. We all know it, but the level to which they enforce it made me feel like the world's biggest parent failure. His 8 and 11 year old boy and girl both wash their own clothes, wash dishes, must be up by 7 am on weekends and 5 am during the week for school, mop, anything and everything it takes to run a household, they do. If they don't do it, there is a consequence. And no they don't beat their children. They just strongly stick with consequences that we as American families sometimes feel are too strict. The truth is, they need this. They need structure, discipline, and consequences. I THOUGHT I was doing ok with this...but nooooo I learned a lot today. A whole lot. Things I know, but needed to hear. Then Francis gave us an entire sex-ed lesson in Ugandan culture...and well, let's just say it was shocking. I don't want this blog to get too graphic so let's just leave that one alone:)
Ellie has been great today...she just goes where we go...tags along and smiles most of the time. What a different girl than last Friday. She is picking up on sign language very well already, waves and says Bye Bye, she calls John "Da" all the time now. She has become very attached to me.... she won't let him hold her much when I am around without getting very distressed looking. But when it comes time to play, she loves him! Today, I tried to lay her down to take a nap and for the first time she whined and even started crying a little. Oh, now we see a normal 2 year old! In a weird way, I am glad to see she is changing...this means she is attaching so well. But I laid down beside her and rubbed her head and then got up while she was still awake and just walked out and she was fine...she went to sleep in 2 minutes.
Then we went downstairs to play some more and I saw the same familiar girls I have seen for a few nights on the playground. Turns out it was one (Engrid) of their birthdays. So, I asked what she had planned tonight? She said nothing . I asked if she had ever had a cake for her birthday and she said no.

So, John, Ellie, and I plus Engrid and her 2 friends , went to the restaurant and had cake, sprites, and ice-cream with chocolate syrup! She ran off and came back with a beautiful red dress on that her mom found in the laundry of the hotel (her mom is a laundry worker at our hotel). She came back, and we sang happy birthday and made her night very special! Such a beauty Engrid is! I promised her that tomorrow, I would come to their school to read to her class and she is so excited!!
Daddy had to leave right after our little celebration, and Ellie cried for the first time when it was time to go to bed...I think it was a combination of knowing John was leaving and also getting attached to me, plus she was SO tired from a long day. But she didn't cry long, maybe 5 minutes or so, and she was OUT! Wonderful day...I really am loving Uganda:)

Court day!

John and I both woke around 1 am (our normal here, as I type now it is around that time) and tried hard to go back to sleep but never did. Finally around 5:30, we started getting ready to go and Francis picked us up at 7. Francis is always at least 10 minutes early...and if you are in Africa..let's just say that's very impressive between traffic and most Africans not feeling that time is that important. So that is just another reason we adore him! We got in the car and he said "Oh Ellie, John Amy you look so smart!" Smart here means "you look so nice". He continued, "Wow, Ellie looks so much better! Looking back, Amy and John, she looked as if she would have died in 2 days." Of course I already start tearing up bright and early! I asked him if he really thought this and he said "yes 100%. She was at death's doorstep, BUT now you are here and let's not focus on what was, let's focus on what IS." So that's what we did...because we are going to COURT! This long awaited day has finally come!

I was so worried about the relatives not showing up. I was also worried that Ellie might want her Jaja in front of the judge and not us and will fail to see the bond we have built. We get to court an hour early, so we decide to have breakfast down the street. Ellie for the first day, is HAPPY in the morning! She usually looks very somber for a while, but today she is herself.  We had breakfast quickly and then Francis took us to his car to pray in private. We all held hands and it was one of the best prayers I have ever heard! I swear I felt my hands get a coolness to them that felt like the Holy Spirit was in that car. I was holding his hand and Eliana's hand and suddenly hers felt cool too.  Usually your hands get warm when you hold hands...it was a very cool thing indeed.

So we head up, up, up, up flights of stairs and finally to Family High Court Division. We wait and wait and finally the relatives show, and we get called back around 9:30. The court room is the size of a big executive office. We sit on red velvet chairs and the pictures behind the judge of her kept me entertained to say the least. I wish I had pics of those! I sat directly in front of her, my attorney to my right and John to my left. Everyone else sat behind us.

The judge spoke English, but had her assistant translate Lusoga to the relatives that were testifying. She first interviewed Jaja and was not very happy with her. Jaja was so nervous, she was leaving parts out of the story, for instance, she asked about her daughter (Ellie's mom) and her husband's death (Ellie's dad) and said he isn't the father! There is no way! Turns out the judge had the dates wrong. Her father died before she was born from a bacteria caused by contaminated water. I never knew how her mother died...but today found that she died from falling ill after childbirth and could not ever recover, and Jaja was too poor to care for her medically, so she died when Ellie was only 6 months old.  She accused jaja and the uncle of not being accurate enough for her and she threatened them that they should never walk in her court under oath and not have their stories straight. 

The problem, I could clearly see, is these poor people were so intimidated and nervous they couldn't even think straight. They never leave their remote village, and now they are under oath being outright accused of everything under the sun! The judge was telling the uncle (Ellie's late father's brother) that he should be helping support the family with his land. Poor guy...I'm sure his "land" was all of a one room hut. He looked terrible. My 92 year old grandfather looks younger than him and he was 52. He looked like he could fall over at any moment. I felt so bad for them. I was so nervous, holding Ellie the entire time, I felt like I could vomit. During court I think the judge could see how much Ellie loves us already. She went to her Jaja once, but then came back to us immediately. (Her grandmother was so very happy to see her looking so well and happy. She thought that she would cry the entire time but was so surprised to hear she hasn't cried at all, except for when she left. )

So next we were on the stand..she asked many questions...why are we adopting?, will we have more biological children?, adopted children?, how many hours will we spend with her?, how much money do you make? then she asked "Do you need all that money?" She asked if there are other black children where we live? will we keep her heritage alive in our home? what culture have you seen in Uganda since in country? What is your plan if you get a divorce? I answered "Divorce is not an option for us." She replied, "I asked a couple this yesterday and they went on to describe their plans for if a divorce should happen for 5 minutes! And I told them, if you have thought this much into what you will do, you have thought about divorce. And I told them, the correct answer is "Divorce is not an option...so Miss Amy, you gave the correct answer." Whew! She likes me a little more now. She said it says here you met in kickboxing class. Do you still kick box? I said no, "I just kick him" to which everyone laughed, including her. (Whew, Ok she has a bit of humor. ) then she looks at John and says , "You are a man of few words aren't you?" Talk to me, tell me more about you. John is so cool and collected it makes me so envious as I sit and watch him shoot through the answers like an old pro. I could literally hear my voice shaking in the beginning when I spoke. I haven't been this nervous since speech class in college! I think it was because SO much is at stake. Our DAUGHTER is at stake! If I say the wrong thing, our little girls future is in my answer! It's a lot of pressure. She looked at our pictures we brought and one in which Eliana was very sick...her stomach was swollen and she looked bad. She said "Wow, this is the same girl?" Then she saw a picture of her room and said "So, you already have a room for her? Assuming I would grant this petition?" John said, "No we were praying you would grant this petition."

Finally, after a couple of hours of questions, we adjourned. She said the ruling would be available by May 30, "maybe sooner, but not later." She was much nicer to us than to relatives. I think she liked us in the end. Rebecca said it went well, and not to worry. I feel good about it, but hearing that positive ruling will make me very happy!

After we left we were so exhausted. I was so tense and we came straight home, took a shower, and Ellie and I took a nap. Ellie took her usual long nap and I slept for maybe an hour. I lay her down at night and for naps in her bed and she puts herself to sleep within a few minutes. Then I worry all night she will fall off that bed! We took her down to play today and she went down the slide, got on the swing, ran, threw a "ball", which was really a big walnut or something? But best of all, She called us Mama and Dada. What a sweet sound! This girl in 5 days has completely transformed... I have never witnessed something so amazing in the course of days. I am so proud of her and love her more deeply than I could have ever thought possible. Her daddy leaves tomorrow and her Meme will get here too. I am so excited for Meme to meet her, but I know she will miss her daddy. They have made quite the bond. And she doesn't understand that when he leaves, that he will be back. He bathes her every night and dresses her and it just warms my heart to watch them together. So proud of him too...how he has handled this all like a champ. 

So glad this day is done, now we wait for our ruling, and keep ourselves busy!

Day 4 with Ellie...

So Eliana slept for 16 hours last night! Yes, 16! 6:30 pm-10:30 am. Her little belly has been upset from some medicine she is taking so during the night if she has to go she'll get up and look at me to take her (somehow I suppose I sleep so lightly I know)..and then she goes right back to sleep. When she wakes in the morning, she resets back to "blank Ellie". I call it that because it's literally a blank, scared face that you can not get to smile. Even if she goes to bed smiling, she wakes up this way. Today, she stayed like this, all through breakfast and into the afternoon. So we just knew she was getting more sick...so we took her back to the Dr. because we needed to check test results anyway. They all came out good, slightly anemic but nothing startling....the Dr. said she has seen MUCH worse for a young one living in those conditions she was in. So I feel so grateful for that. But while waiting, we looked at video from her time with her sister from yesterday and she started smiling and laughing and dancing and had a wonderful afternoon the rest of the day! I again fell so blessed to have her sister being adopted in North Carolina where they can keep in touch! Such an answered prayer! Once she smiles, she smiles big! 

We were in the Dr. for hours and we went by a mall to get passport pics taken and it was quite the experience!! All I can say is BIG GUNS and the best word to describe this place is "EERIE". It was dark and guards were at each store with HUGE guns just waiting for an intruder. Our driver says if they feel threatened they fire in the ceiling before firing at the potential intruder. That explained all the gunshots in the ceiling. It's like that everywhere here. Men holding huge guns at the grocery store, in the parking lot, on the streets, at the pharmacy, hotels, etc. They also pat you down and check your bags EVERYWHERE. I don't know whether to feel comforted by that or scared to death they need those men with guns everywhere! yikes! But all in all,  I have felt very safe and Kampala is a very interesting place. Babies everywhere...kids with kids on their backs, women carrying bananas on their heads, all the things you see in pictures...it's real. All of it. The first day I saw a lady crying and lying on the sidewalk with about a 9 month old baby just lying on her playing with a beer bottle. I turned to John and said, "Toto, We're not in Kansas anymore!" I am focusing on enjoying the beauty and learning from the people who live here, and of course bonding with our sweet little girl.

Court is tomorrow morning at 9 am. Francis is picking us up at 7 , even though it's not far at all...traffic is quite the experience here. I will have to reserve a whole post for that. 

Day 3 with Ellie

So, I tend to have so much time during the night to blog, update, etc...as Ellie sleeps away because my days and nights are confused! I need to be asleep! Hoping after court on Tuesday I will sleep better and get on the right schedule...I was told it would take a few days and it is true! We spent the day with Ellie's sister , who calls her "Med-Ah" , her Ugandan name was Mbedha. I had no idea how to pronounce it until today! She says it in her African tongue and it's so cute! Her sister, Rebekkah, is so funny. She has all sorts of expressions and already catching on to English! A lady from North Carolina is adopting her, and we didn't know this until a few weeks ago. I am so glad they were still in country where we can spend time together. Ellie just lit up when she saw Rebekkah! She was running with her, laughing, playing, talking a little bit, etc...
This little one had us believing she couldn't walk with her sore foot...but guess what? She was walking just fine today with her sister! HA! She was putting on a good act for us:) They came back to our hotel and played on the playground and loved the tire swing...and even got on a bike for the first time. Today I think we will try and see if we can get her in the water...her sister was scared of it too at first but now plays in it fine her mom said. I want to get her used to the water so we will try it little by little. That way by summer she can jump in Meme's pool with her brothers!
We also found today that Rebekkah and her mom had the same judge we will have tomorrow. Praise the LORD! She was granted custody which means there should be no reason we shouldn't. I haven't been worried about it that much anyway...but hearing that made me feel even better. So ready to get court behind us, and the ruling in our hand that says she's our daughter! Please continue to pray!

Devotional

I love my "Jesus Calling" devotional...I love that every single day it hits the nail on the head and is so relatable to what is going on in my life. Everyone I know who reads it says the same thing. Todays is....

 "Waiting on Me means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out yourself. Waiting on Me is the way I designed you to live: all day, every day. I created you to stay conscious of Me as you go about your daily duties. I have promised many blessings to those who wait on Me: renewed strength, living above one’s circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of My continual Presence. Waiting on Me enables you to glorify Me by living in deep dependence on Me, ready to do My will. It also helps you to enjoy Me; in My Presence is fullness of Joy."

On another note, I heard from our attorney yesterday that she got all of our paperwork from our old attorney and she is now working on getting all of it sorted out to submit to court. The day she submits to court will be a great day because that is a step in the right direction!!

What a sermon.

Today was one of those days we all could have stayed in our pjs and be lazy rather than going to church. The problem is, we have done that too many times this winter...and since we started back up with going, I was determined not to let myself make up an excuse. And let me just say, I sure am glad I did.
We started a new series last week called "Fools Paradise". Today was titled, "Clarity vs. Trust". It started with saying how one big lie we tell ourselves is we need CLARITY, but what we really need is trust.

Then we proceeded to go through the 5 Phases of Faith: the reason I am recapping on here is because it was SO unbelievably relevant to our adoption and where we are with it right now. During each phase of faith, I could see our adoption story unfolding.
Phase 1: DREAM- (based on Genesis 12:1-2)- John and I had a dream to adopt one day. As a matter of fact, we said we would "love to do that one day" long before we had our first baby.
Phase 2: DECISION- we made the decision to go for it, and commit to the process of international adoption.
Phase 3: DELAY - oh the delays we have had! Which almost everyone does who adopts from Africa and if they did not, then they are LUCKY DUCKIES! So I hate to complain about the delays, but they do stink.  Our pastor said "Just because a dream is delayed, doesn't mean it is denied." He also said "Faith is not denying reality (for us: there are terrorist threats, there is uncertainty, there is sickness, etc) but rather faith is facing the facts without discouragement."
Phase 4: DIFFICULTY - ok, so we have had that too. Almost to the point of stopping and letting all the obstacles along the way become our destiny, and most importantly, Eliana's destiny.
Phase 5: DELIVERANCE - now this doesn't mean that you get what you thought you were going to get at the end of this phase...it just means you gain something that you otherwise wouldn't had you not stayed the course of faith.
Many people get stuck on the delays...and get tired of waiting and give up..and stop having any faith at that point. If you make it through that, then the difficulty is what is sure to test your faith and to give up.
So, what do we do to avoid becoming a person who is stopping mid way and giving up on faith and what God has in store for us because we think the wait is too long, or the obstacles are too hard, or the risk is too high?
REMEMBER what God can do. Become more comfortable with being uncomfortable. God cares more about our character than our comfort, and it is our job to take a step of obedience and remain faithful.

For so long, even up until I heard this sermon today, I have felt convicted to keep trying...to not give up on this little girl...but I have to say what is so spot on for me about this sermon is that I have asked myself that same question over and over. God, can you please give me CLARITY?....tell me this is the right thing to Do, To Go, To Risk, To BE UNCOMFORTABLE...and I suppose I blindly thought that magically one day, it will all be SO CLEAR. Like the clouds part, the angels sing, and He speaks and says YES AMY, GO, and YES the outcome will be good and worth it.... Um no. Probably not going to happen. But before hearing this today...I suppose I thought it might! Now I know, I don't have to have CLARITY, I don't have to know that everything will work out in our favor and Eliana will be ours, I just have to have FAITH (until the end) and TRUST.
And that is exactly what I intend to do, because no matter how much I doubt, and worry and agonize over my own pitiful need for "clarity"...without faithful trust I will keep spinning my wheels and never get anywhere in my heart.
Thank you God for speaking to me today, oddly enough, I have more clarity now than I have had in a very long time.

You can't ignore your heart..

So I most certainly have left this blog at a halt....many things have transpired since I last posted. Eli, right before his 4th birthday fell off of the back of a little car right in front of John and I , and ended up days later in intensive care with a concussion, skull fracture, and brain bleed. It was quite the life stopping/altering event to say the least. We are so fortunate he recovered without surgery and we go for our last checkup with the neurosurgeon next Monday at Vanderbilt.
Fast forward and during this stress, we made the decision to stop the adoption process for a million different reasons. We felt like we had exhausted every option, and hearing every week it seemed about someone getting turned down at court, misleading attorneys, sketchy people EVERYWHERE. We felt tired, scared to proceed , fearful of meeting this beautiful little face and not ever being able to call her our daughter.

So, we have been moving along with life, feeling thankful that we made the "right decision".  I went through a phase of thinking "well maybe my fourth child wasn't supposed to be adopted all along...maybe I am supposed to have my own? Should we have our own? That would be an option...." to "maybe we should adopt a domestic child" ..to...."maybe I am not supposed to even have a fourth child", to "ok we are not even thinking about ANYTHING regarding adding to our family..let's enjoy what we have". Needless to say, Eli's injury made me find the meaning of my family to be all the more valuable. In the midst of this, even though we say it sometimes and think it sometimes, to actually feel like you could actually LOSE someone so valuable and sacred to you makes it all the more true. In this little bit of life we have, our love is all we have. All the material things, the things that are temporary, mean nothing if we lose someone we truly love.

I went from being VERY confused and anxious to feeling confident almost overnight that I LOVE this little girl. I've never met her, I don't know her, but God set a fire in my heart for this little one that had not quite burned out. I laid it out to John one night, that if we give up on her because it's easy and we are fearful, and we could fail, and there are terrorists, and a gazillion different other (very real) obstacles and excuses, can we live with that? Can we lay our heads down at night on our nice down pillows and sleep soundly knowing that there's a little girl laying on a concrete floor on the other side of the world with no mommy and daddy and a life of little hope all because we gave up?

Now anyone that knows me knows I am about as headstrong as they come. If I get something in my head, and I feel a strong intuition for something..I don't give up on it. John agreed that yes, we have every reason to quit trying, but if we have one reason to try one more time...that's a reason enough.

LOVE- it's a simple word...but it breaks down so many barriers and with a fiery spirit and a powerful GOD, anything is possible.
So, what does this mean? We have hired yet another new attorney, who is investigating and gathering information and we are awaiting our opportunity to resubmit our file to court and go to court..all hopefully before July..when a lot of things will change adoption wise with laws in Uganda.

We are keeping this all quiet for now...by the time you read this post...we will hopefully be in route to Africa! I am trying so hard to focus on what's ahead and know that nothing is in my control...but greater obstacles have been climbed and I know in the end at least we can say "We gave every ounce, we exhausted every option", and God only knows the outcome of that. I am excited for what's ahead.