Dossier is sent!

I officially sent our Uganda dossier today - and finished our home study revision yesterday. So nice to be done with paperwork...again.  It was much easier the second time, as I had already gotten a lot of the tedious work done the first time in the Ethiopia dossier process.

My coordinator still thinks we are looking at a spring referral which is very exciting! But, I have to say, the closer spring comes, the more nervous I become. It's more like very excited...scared out of my mind...emotional....excited....anxious....excited.....worried....excited....ok, you get the picture. Just the reality of everything happening and moving forward is overwhelming. I can remember being pregnant with my 3rd baby and thinking, "I can't wait for the baby to just get here where I can just get in my groove." The anticipation of "what was to be" was a cause of my anxiety. I tend to have those feelings now.

The difference is...when I was pregnant at this stage, I was thinking of baby names and planning the nursery and picking out cute clothes ....but instead now I am thinking about going to court with birth parents and foster parents and/or orphanage directors and what ifs like the judge not granting us guardianship (it does happen), having to leave our new baby in Uganda to travel on planes for over a day to come home empty-handed. It's different, and although we don't have a face for our child, we are already worried about his/her well being. How he or she will be treated while we are gone, are they eating enough, are their needs being met, are their diapers being changed?

The reality of all of this is challenging to say the least. Thank God I have faith. I know everything will work out. It always does...and it's been pretty easy thus far to trust in timing and accepting the control (lack of that is) issue. But, I would be lying if I said it's all just peachy and I see everything through rose colored glasses. I am scared, nervous, excited, amazed, and all the while HONORED to be given this opportunity to challenge my comfort zone. It all comes down to this...These babies need love. And that to me makes every ounce of every emotion worth it.

A baby home in Uganda