The Best Kind of Love..

Luke 12:48 --"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."


I know we have all had them, those moments when you are touched by something, and you can't even explain why you are so moved by it. I know I have..and mine usually include tears..and it is sometimes sudden and in a place where I need to pull it together. Examples...Gray's 5th birthday party, everyone can attest to my sudden breakdown as he blew out his candles, suddenly realizing my "baby" was officially a "big boy". Another example...in the pediatrician's office when Eli was so sick with the flu (because it reminded me of when he was a tiny baby that couldn't breathe and was rushed to the emergency room) me completely losing it to his Dr. and thanking him 3 years later for coming to the hospital on Christmas Eve when he wasn't even on call...which he kind of got choked up too so we kinda had a moment. (haha) My point is those (embarrassing) moments just happen, sometimes you know why..sometimes you don't. In relation to adoption...on the way home from vacation last year, on a plane...reading "Kisses from Katie". I had already read it once a year or so prior, but rereading it again, I was moved in a way I can't explain. I was crying on the plane with John, not just a tear, like a full on UGLY CRY.  In that moment, I felt like I could actually feel the love in this book for the country and children of Uganda through the writer. 
I still have the little sticky note on the page of one of my favorite quotes, which is in the intro:


"People often ask if I think my life is dangerous, if I am afraid. I am much more afraid of remaining comfortable. Matthew 10:28 tells us not to fear things that can destroy the body but things that can destroy the soul. I am surrounded by things that can destroy the body....Uncertainty is everywhere. But I am living in the midst of the uncertainty and risk, amid things that can and do bring physical destruction, because I am running from things that can destroy my soul: complacency, comfort, and ignorance.  I am much more terrified of living a comfortable life in a self-serving society and failing to follow Jesus than I am of any illness or tragedy."


 Fast forward, applications were done, homestudy done, dossier for Ethiopia done, then these feelings kept coming up..uneasy feelings like something wasn't "right" with our agency...something wasn't "right" with Ethiopia and turns out my feelings were right on point but I still don't know the "whys" of that. We could have still gone with Ethiopia with our current agency, but it's almost like that book was subconsciously a precursor for the decision to move to Uganda. 

Then, I ordered a book called "Ashes to Africa" and this was the first page I flipped to..just to read a quick line or two and this was it: "Any time art touches your life with tears, whether through a story, song, film, or painting, it was wise to pay attention to those tears because your tears could help you find your heart. And if you found your heart, you found what was dear to God. If you found what was dear to God, you found the answer to how you should live your life."

I immediately upon reading this thought, "YES! Reading that book, NOW I know why I was so moved! I don't think that was coincidence...I KNOW it was no coincidence." And because I like to know the "WHY" of everything and the reasoning behind it, I often overanalyze my decisions and question myself but the decision to switch agencies and countries has never once made me feel that was the wrong decision. For once, I can actually say I feel very confident it was the RIGHT decision.  

I want to always remember the little "ah-ha" moments through this process. I like to think it is God's little way of letting me know we are on the right track.. to the right child, HIS child, who He has planned for us from the very beginning.