A Letter...

Hi little one..

You are so close to becoming a part of our family and we are so excited to finally see your face! We never knew in the beginning of this journey we would become so attached to a child we have yet to meet. I know you are in Uganda, waiting, and ready to have a mommy and daddy who adore you..and as a bonus..you get THREE big brothers! How cool is that?

Tyler is already picking out names. He prays nightly for a baby sister, but says if you are a baby brother instead, he will be ok with that too:) His girl names are Elizabeth and Isabella and if a boy are Max, Noah, or Gabriel. Honestly, your mama hasn't even thought about names yet! I can't even begin to think of a name for a boy, since I have named 3 boys already..and a girl name seems so odd to me at this point I can't even imagine. I really want to meet you and decide or maybe your name will be something we can shorten..we will see! I didn't know your brother Gray's name until his birth because I didn't learn the gender until then, and even on the way to the hospital your Aunt Ang was making fun of me because I hadn't even planned what it would be if he was a girl! I was so certain he was a boy, I didn't feel the need to even plan for a girl..and guess what? I was right:)

I spoke to our coordinator today and we should be receiving your picture in the next couple of months! We are so excited to meet you and yet sad for your mommy who had to make a hard decision to let you go. I admire her so much and I pray for her all the time. I pray we can keep your heritage alive and always incorporate Uganda/Africa in your life. I pray I can be a mother who can provide you with all of the love and values your culture holds dear.

You, my child, were fearfully and wonderfully made. You have big things to come in your life...I know this. I have known this since the day we made the first step to you. To be completely honest, I am anxious..but more than that, I am excited..and unbelievably blessed to have the opportunity to be a mother to a precious child, chosen by God specifically for our family.  I may feel inadequate many times and not prepared in many ways for what is to come...but thankfully He has that covered. I don't need to worry about that:)

We Love You Dearly,
Mommy and daddy

adoption poem

Legacy of An Adopted Child

Author Unknown

Once there were two women,

Who barely knew each other.

One is in your heart forever,

The other you’ll call mother.

Two different lives,

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,

And the second taught you how to live it.

The first gave you a need for love,

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you a family,

It was what God intended for her to do.

The other prayed for a child,

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age old question through the years.

Heredity or environment…

Which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling… neither,

Just two different kinds of love.

Depraved Indifference

Powerful video--

Behind These Eyes...

Behind these eyes..
Is a boy. Although reluctant, still hopeful.

Behind these eyes..
Is a girl. But also a body and spirit created for something bigger than where she is.

Tonight I pray for peace over these little ones who feel unloved, broken, and forgotten. I pray for their safety and comfort, and hope they find relief soon. I pray the adoption world would begin to change in a positive way...one in which they care wholeheartingly for the children in need rather than their bottom line. I pray that I remember that I was once orphaned, yet once I was accepted by God's grace,  I became His Daughter...A Daughter of a King. Just as I was dirty and sinful and shameful, he cleansed me, wiped me off, hugged me, and said you know what Amy, it's gonna be ok. You are no longer an orphan." I pray I can give our children this same grace, to have the patience and love that I am continually shown. No matter how many times I want to run away from His truth.. fail, and falter, He is watching and patiently waiting...waving for me to come on back in the house, take a warm bath, relax, and rejoice in His relentless love. Thank you God for continually inviting me to come back Home.

Dossier is sent!

I officially sent our Uganda dossier today - and finished our home study revision yesterday. So nice to be done with paperwork...again.  It was much easier the second time, as I had already gotten a lot of the tedious work done the first time in the Ethiopia dossier process.

My coordinator still thinks we are looking at a spring referral which is very exciting! But, I have to say, the closer spring comes, the more nervous I become. It's more like very excited...scared out of my mind...emotional....excited....anxious....excited.....worried....excited....ok, you get the picture. Just the reality of everything happening and moving forward is overwhelming. I can remember being pregnant with my 3rd baby and thinking, "I can't wait for the baby to just get here where I can just get in my groove." The anticipation of "what was to be" was a cause of my anxiety. I tend to have those feelings now.

The difference is...when I was pregnant at this stage, I was thinking of baby names and planning the nursery and picking out cute clothes ....but instead now I am thinking about going to court with birth parents and foster parents and/or orphanage directors and what ifs like the judge not granting us guardianship (it does happen), having to leave our new baby in Uganda to travel on planes for over a day to come home empty-handed. It's different, and although we don't have a face for our child, we are already worried about his/her well being. How he or she will be treated while we are gone, are they eating enough, are their needs being met, are their diapers being changed?

The reality of all of this is challenging to say the least. Thank God I have faith. I know everything will work out. It always does...and it's been pretty easy thus far to trust in timing and accepting the control (lack of that is) issue. But, I would be lying if I said it's all just peachy and I see everything through rose colored glasses. I am scared, nervous, excited, amazed, and all the while HONORED to be given this opportunity to challenge my comfort zone. It all comes down to this...These babies need love. And that to me makes every ounce of every emotion worth it.

A baby home in Uganda

Uganda Dossier

Found this book for our little one...it is the sweetest thing! We can mail packages and leave things when we go and this book will be perfect...plus having a book read to him/her in country by caretakers will be something familiar when arriving home when we read it.  We also plan to leave a blanket when we go the first time as that will be another "comfort"and a camera/video camera to document our time missed in between visits. The agency supports the caretakers/orphanage in between our court dates with formula, food, diapers, etc. because the baby will not move to a "transition home" like in Ethiopia. It's good to know he/she will not be going back to impoverished conditions like before court.

Also ordered 2 more books that have awesome reviews..

I know some of these posts are of no semblance to many, but this is our "baby book" of all things adoption!

Nothing new to speak of...just getting all of my dossier compiled to send in this week--almost  have everything done...just need to snap a couple of family shots in front of our home, we didn't need that for Ethiopia.

Checklist for Uganda Dossier

Last 3 years of 1040 tax returns, notarized

2 pictures of family in front of home

Copies of passports, notarized

Completed Homestudy Revision (homestudy documents are already done thank goodness!)

I600a US Immigration revision approval

Medical Physicals for John and I, notarized

Employment Verification letters, notarized

Bank letter, notarized

Marriage certificate, certified

Criminal Background checks, notarized

The Uganda Dossier is much, MUCH less involved than the Ethiopia Dossier, however, I had to get all of the papers redone and notarized , etc...they all must be in blue ink and the notary's commission must not expire for 12 months, which many in my old dossier did expire.

When we get this sent off and the home study revision completed we will officially be "referral ready" again!

Where we are..

We are almost at the end of compiling our Uganda dossier and have our meeting on Monday to update our home study with our social worker.  Hoping to get it turned in next week where we can move forward! The great thing is, there are quite a few people in the works in the Ugandan program, but since we are ahead with all of the paperwork, it doesn't look like we will even be placed on a wait list, which means we will me the next Ugandan referral (if the stars align and I get all of this stuff notarized, in blue ink, blah blah blah, PERFECTION!)

We are resubmitting approval to immigration for Uganda for 2 children (in case you find out later there is a sibling, etc) BOY or GIRL , aged 6 months -2. Eli just turned 3 so we just asked that they be at least 1 year apart in age and to keep the birth order.  This shouldn't take as long as it did the first time.
I got the baby's future nursery painted today and it is a very neutral light gray for either gender:) I love not knowing, it makes it more fun. We didn't know the gender of Gray before he was born and it was the best surprise!

Please continue to pray for our family--I spoke with our coordinator at our new agency yesterday and I found out that we will be going to court with our baby, the baby's parents (unless they are either deceased or unknown), the caretakers (whether it be orphanage agency or foster parents), the attorney, judge, etc...it is much more formal in Uganda, as there were only 200 adoptions last year there.  She said this is rather emotional for everyone. Please pray specifically for John and I on this court date to be as prepared mentally and emotionally as we can be and as always thank you for your support!

What if?

I am in a constant state of researching Uganda at this point, just learning what I can..absorbing their culture as much as I can..and I keep running across pictures of 3 little boys together....So many different ones! I posted a couple of them below. Every time I see an image with 3 boys, I think "What if those were MY boys?" 

What if I couldn't feed them when they were hungry? What if I couldn't take them to the Dr. when they get sick? What if I had to leave them at home alone for hours to try and hunt for food and water for them to be able to even have energy to run and play? What if I had no support, no freedom, and no hope for the future, but wanted so badly for my boys to have all of these, but had no means to provide it?

It's easy to look at pictures and feel bad, tear up, shake my head, and move on. But, to make it personal, when envisioning myself in this position with MY BABIES...it makes the situation seem a bit more urgent.

The truth is, these boys could have been my boys.  I, by the grace of God, am a very lucky girl and I wasn't born into poverty. If I were, would it be fair to watch one of my children die purely based upon his inability to receive help from one person who could have helped him?  I think not.


A few of my favorite verses..

Matthew 25:35-40 

'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.' "Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You drink? 'And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 'And when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' "And the King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'

Proverbs 3:27 

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.

Luke 3:10-11 

And the crowds asked him, “What then shall we do?” And he answered them, “Whoever has two tunics is to share with him who has none, and whoever has food is to do likewise.”

one.org is a great organization where you can become involved in Congress changing /passing laws, etc. And apparently there are some people in leadership roles who still believe in sacrificing to save a life! Check out the article below...amazing.
The President of Malawi has her priorities straight!
http://www.one.org/us/2013/01/31/the-president-of-malawi-wants-to-sell-you-her-jet/

The not so pretty...and the beautiful.

It's so funny how somehow adoption from a third world country at times gets glamorized..like it's this noble thing to do. And it is, don't get me wrong, but I feel like if anyone is noble and courageous it is these children whose lives will change in a moment, although for the better, it's still so much to process in their little brains. For one...all of the little girls heads are shaved due to the prominence of head lice..to fight off this yucky little bug, they shave the heads of the children and put the red dirt (clay) on their heads.

Red clay doesn't hide this sweet little face!

Then there are parasites-- Very treatable, yet children living in conditions where they can barely afford to eat,  don't get meds that could easily treat this. Dehydration, emotional issues, burns, developmental delays, attachment issues once adopted, therapy (speech, etc.) ....seriously I think I could fill up a page of all of the things I have read, studied, prayed, and worried about for not only our future child but ALL of them, millions and millions of them!! I am learning all of the not so pretty of this process and I know it will be hard..on the child, on everyone involved...but for me, focusing on the negative isn't healthy. I want to be educated and realistic, just as I prepared myself as best I could when I had my first child.
  The more I learn about these women, the more inspired I am by them.  Their definition of beauty is so different from how we define it here. It is deeply rooted in how strong they are, the love for their family and God, and their ideals of happiness. I pray I can take just a little of that home with me when I visit Uganda.

Mama wearing her baby

Every single face has a unique story

 It's amazing to me how every child looks so different but one common theme is their deep, dark eyes. They say so much! They tell you so much without a word- if they are happy, sad, mad, hopeless, curious, excited...

We got wonderful news today that our old agency is agreeing to do an amendment to the home study (which they have to come to my home to do, but not as time consuming this time.) and to go into an inter-agency agreement. This saves us soooo much money and time so this was THE best news! The stars are aligning and I am so thankful to our God who has orchestrated this entire process.  All the good and bad must happen to get us to OUR precious child.

Sooner rather than later...

I spoke with our new adoption coordinator and went over all the things that need to be done paperwork wise on our end...which is having our social worker from our old agency add an amendment to our home study with the new country specifications and also for our old agency to agree to an "interagency agreement" which just basically says they will allow to put on paper that I can use my old homestudy. We are waiting to hear back to see if they are agreeing so specifically pray for that please!
Also, big news...she is pretty confident we will receive a referral of our little one by April/May since we are ahead of the game because we are so far ahead on paperwork! I was a little shocked/excited/nervous by this news! Lots of things settling in..I spoke with my mom about the 24 hour plane trip to Uganda and traveling home with a baby in tow and it all kind of sank in that this is happening!