There YOU are...

Eliana after we changed her clothes in the attorneys office

I glanced down to the bag, with a dirty soiled blanket on top, which I later learned in that one bag was all of Eliana's belongings and her grandmother would take that blanket back because it's all she has. Rebecca, the attorney, saw me looking at it, and said, "They are already here. She and her "Jaja" , (which means grandmother in English). I didn't have time to get nervous before I saw the familiar face of her Jaja entering the door. Behind her...a teeny, tiny scared little girl. Eliana. There she is! I wanted to run and grab her up and hug and kiss her but I could tell she was terrified...she had traveled since early morning to get here and she looked tired, hungry, unwell...and absolutely beautiful all at the same time. Her eyes looked dull, like she had lived a long life already....like a child that has worried more than she should in her short life. Her brows were furrowed and she looked so scared. John and I both said "hello there! How are you!" Of course, she has never heard English, and neither had her Jaja so they had no clue what we were saying...so I just held out my arms to see if she would come to me. She whimpered a bit but didn't fully cry. Looking back, I think she was just too weak to cry.

We sat and tried to get her to smile, but she just stared at us blankly as if she was just looking right through us. I started getting teary eyed not because she was scared but because she was so tiny and so precious. I couldn't believe I thought for a single minute that I may not have this moment to meet this precious little girl. I felt so grateful and so sad for her all wrapped up into one feeling.
We showed her jaja our pictures of our family and in the album there were many of Ellie and even one of her with Ellie. She loved looking at the pictures.
Jaja loved the picture of her room and said to the attorney in her language "She must wear Pampers in that bed..she will spoil that bed and that can not be..it is perfect! She must come to our village and see where we stay, I have never dreamed of a place to sleep like that."
Then, we sat and asked the attorney to translate several questions...
"What's her favorite food?" Rice and sometimes meat if it is available.
"What about fruit?" - She would love fruit, however we can not afford for her to have fruit and vegetables.
"How does she sleep at night?" IF (notice not AFTER but IF) SHE EATS, she lays down on the floor, and goes directly to sleep. If she has eaten, she sleeps well all night. If she stirs around or crys out, it is because she is sick, or she needs to go out to the bathroom because she doesn't like the feel of sleeping in her wetness."
"Is she shy?" - NO she is weak, sickly, she needs food and nourishment. She can be lively if opportunities provide for energy.
At about this point, we quit asking questions. Basically, this child's life is all based around the poverty of not being able to eat. It makes me nauseous suddenly. I want to cry, not a little cry, but a giant, ugly cry. But I had to hold it back for now, because I didn't want to scare Eliana.
We decide she is hungry, so I scramble in my bag for a Clif Bar, and she LOVES it. Little did I know at the time, she loves anything to eat! She picked the chocolate chips out one by one and we laughed that she loves chocolate like her mama and daddy. She never smiled until I finally pulled out my bubbles! She loved them and smiled and smiled. After we finished up, we went to eat lunch in Kampala with jaja and Ellie. This is when I realized this little girl can eat! She ate mashed potatoes with gravy, bread, mango and watermelon juice (which is delicious by the way), and her little eyes lit up when she saw a chicken leg!

This was the very first time she had eaten with a spoon and she just used it like she had been her whole life! She carefully drank out of her cup and I quickly learned she doesn't like to get dirty. She wipes her hands and mouth often as she eats. During lunch, she began to smile a little more. 

We then decided she needed to see a Dr. as soon as possible. I really wanted jaja to go, where she would have her as comfort, but she had to start her journey back home. So John, Francis and I took her for a 2:20 pm appt. and Eliana cried the whole way, looking for jaja...and I cried with her the whole way.  She had a lot of blood drawn and they confirmed her malnutrition. At 2 year 4 months old, she weighed 15 pounds and 31 inches long.

They think she has been in the hospital recently, but no one told us that. A needle mark was too fresh in her arm not to have been. Many tests later, we left and were told to come back with a fecal sample and to get other results. As we were walking out to the car, I took her socks off for the first time, and I saw what looked like a bad cut on her foot on the bottom, that looked infected. When I touched it, she screamed. So we took her back in and quickly the Dr. said, "It is a jigger". There is an organization called "Sole Hope" in Jinja that helps kids with jiggers that I want to visit on this trip, and now i see their work is so needed. (It's a parasite, many kids get on their feet due to wearing no shoes in contaminated areas).When the Dr. touched it, she cried and cried and said in her native language "hurt"...they removed it, (I left the room and cried and cried to Francis" and he said all the right things that I needed to hear. I told him, "she needed us, and to think I almost didn't come. I can't stand to think how many there are that need someone to fight for them and they don't have that. It's heartbreaking." He said in his sweet voice, "Amy, you are here for one of these children, you are here! That love will be understood by her and you have to be proud of yourself, you are here for ONE. And oh how I'm so glad you are here...oh how she needed you and John.")

At the Dr. sleeping while we wait

We finally left, made a stop at a grocery store for milk and food for her, and took went back to the hotel. We were emotionally and physically spent! She sat in Johns lap and drank Mango juice and never made a peep on the way. Then after a bath and more eating and drinking, she started smiling and laughing. She LOVES music we quickly learned. She smiles so big every time you give her food, too.  She loved playing with her dolls and feeding them their bottle. Her foot is so sore, we carry her everywhere. I put her on the couch next to me while John heads down to get some more food and by the time he was back, she was curled up asleep on the couch:)

Then we moved her to her bed and she slept for 12 hours straight.

Our first day with our daughter. A day we will never, ever forget. We are already so in love.

We made it to Uganda!

I am going to try to be brief, however there is no way to do that! So many things have happened in the past few days. We boarded a plane for Uganda on Wed, May 14 and after flying to NYC, Amsterdam, and Rwanda...we finally touched down in Entebbe, Uganda. The traveling was long but not too bad. The first flight to NYC was the worst...I had so many breakdowns I couldn't even count them. All for different reasons. I missed my boys...I was fearful but I realized on the plane when looking over affidavits for court, that June 2012 was when Ellie's mom passed and that was the same month we said "YES" to starting our adoption. I got so emotional about this, thinking that God planted that desire in my heart that month, it was His way of promising that in HIS time, she would have another mama. To think I almost gave up on that calling made me beyond emotional. To see His plan, all along was perfect but yet I had to doubt and demand and become impatient and FINALLY learn to let it go to Him, finally give up and know if it's His Will, it will be. And to be on a plane headed to meet our daughter... I finally felt like I understood the WHYS of this long process. If I would have swooped over with no obstacles, I would not have not learned all I have during this long process.

When we touched the ground in Entebbe, our driver, Francis..who I would learn soon would be such a Godsend to us, picked us up and away we drove to Kampala. We got to our hotel around 11:30 pm and had our first Ugandan meal of fried fish and chips. We figured that was safe:) On the way to the hotel, the streets were full of "Boda Bodas" motorcycles...that drive very fast and zip in and out of cars like crazy. Francis told us, unless we want to go back home missing a limb, or we have an appt.  with death...we better stick with a car in Kampala. In Jinja, Boda Bodas are a bit more forgiving bc traffic isn't as bad. The drive was about an hour, there were people everywhere, party over here, market over there...babies, mothers, young, old were out on the streets just walking and hanging out. I asked what these people do all night, he said they have markets open that they sell to people at night, and of course trouble always brews at night as well!

When we got back to the room, we were exhausted, so we slept like crazy. Francis was set to pick us up Friday am at 9:15 because we had an appt with our attorney Rebecca at 10. He called us at 9:15 to tell us he was waiting, and guess what...we were still sleeping! We both slept so soundly we didn't even wake up once! I was counting on my early bird husband to wake up as always, but since Uganda time is 9 hours ahead, his clock was off as well. So we rushed to get ready and ended up only being a few minutes late, which in Uganda is no big deal, because everyone is usually late on "African time" as they call it. 

So we rushed up flight after flight of stairs to finally reach Rebeccas floor. There sat Rebecca, a young looking lady, who I expected to be older from all the experience I had heard she has in Family Adoption law. She was very sweet and as I scanned her office, I saw a purse sitting on the floor, with a soiled baby blanket sitting in it...and I knew she must be here....

Moving on ...and a letter to Eliana

 ****I am going to give a pretty generic description of what is going on with our adoption below, because writing out each detail would take pages to write, but this is a summary.

As most of you know we got a court date, set for Nov. 7 in Uganda. In the last week, the US Embassy made a high alert travel advisory. Long story short, Al Qaeda terrorists have recently attacked Kenya, who are allies of Uganda. Uganda is the biggest supporter of the African Union Mission in Somalia [AMISOM]. They have sent troops into Somalia and they are upset that they will not withdraw them. The situation is continually worsening and now businesses and schools in Kampala are closing down, as they have been alerted that the attacks are imminent.

See link below for more details...
http://worldnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/10/18/21025232-americans-warned-of-kenya-mall-style-terror-attack-imminent-in-uganda?lite

We are set to travel in 12 days and after speaking with our Ugandan attorney and adoption travel agent, we have decided not to travel at this time. Our judge has a very high chance of not granting us custody even if we did risk traveling there during this extremely dangerous time. Many Americans are being turned away, as our media is portraying a picture of Americans that is not very pretty. And sadly, the terrorist activity is not ending any time soon. The attorney stated that even as a Ugandan man, he is afraid for his family and on high alert even in his own home. Being American, our risk of traveling is heightened tenfold. We feel putting our own lives at risk is not fair to our children and family, no matter how badly we would love to go and swoop her up and take her away from all of that turmoil.

So what does this mean? We can not reschedule our case, we have our hands tied at this point and can not continue with our adoption in Uganda. As much as we are completely heartbroken for Eliana and selfishly for ourselves, we have to be realistic and level headed and trust that God has a much bigger reason and plan for our family.

Thank you so much to each and every one of you who has supported our adoption, and made us feel so loved during this process. I will never forget the messages from friends just to say you are praying for our adoption, donations made to help the orphanage (which by the way will STILL happen, which we are so excited to be able to do, so thank you again for buying those tshirts and donating so generously!), just pure love we received in our quest to this little person has grown friendships and taught us lessons we will forever cherish. Seeing peoples true hearts for these children and acts of love towards them..... I get teary eyed thinking about it! We don't know what the future holds for our family, whether we will add another little one or not, but we know we are beyond blessed to have 3 beautiful boys, who bring more contentment and love to our lives than we could ever have imagined before they were born. We are going to take this time to just enjoy our family and emotionally move forward.

Eliana,
We have fought for a year and a half for you, a sweet helpless little girl, that now we will never have the opportunity to meet. That in itself leaves us feeling deflated and quite simply...sad.  We don't consider this time a waste, or this process as a failure. Although our end result is not at all what we had planned...the lessons and experience through this journey has taught us more than we ever would have learned had we not had the opportunity to pursue you. We feel grateful for this process, yes we feel sad too, but if anything else, my desire to help the "least of these" that can not help themselves is even greater. I promise you I will fight as hard as I have for you, to help others just like you. Eliana, you will shine brighter than before, because now you have the power of prayer on your side, so many people, praying for YOU, an itty bitty brown eyed 21 month old beauty. You may never live the life of a princess on this earth, but in God's eyes, you are forever the daughter of a King. 

I will always pray for you, beautiful angel, and I will never forget what being an "almost mommy" to you has taught me.  Dream big sweet girl. You are loved.

COURT DATE!

Yah! We FINALLY received our court date! Nov. 7th is the actual date, but we will be leaving on Monday November 4th around 2:00 pm. We will arrive in Uganda Tuesday night around 10:30 pm , Uganda time. They are 8 hours ahead. We have 2 layovers...first is in Detroit and then Amsterdam. In Amsterdam airport, we can grab one last warm shower before arriving in Africa!

According to other adoptive parents in the process, going to court isn't so great. Every single one has waited at least 8 hours, watching criminal cases etc. and went last. Most are not passing court right now either because the judges are very weary of sending their children to America because of many things they see in the media. So if they can find any relative who is willing to even consider taking them (even if they can't support or feed them) they will do their best to keep them there.

 It's a very messy situation over there in regard to adoption. I feel optimistic about our hearing, however, I am also preparing myself for other outcomes...such as... the judge putting our hearing off...requesting meetings with the family privately at a later date, or in the worst case scenario, not to be granted guardianship of Eliana. It's a tough pill to swallow...but we have to be realistic and know that this is our reality.

With all that to say, I do believe in the power of prayer. I know that God's ultimate plan will prevail in our case. We have to trust that and believe that as hard as it may be to do. I ask for your prayers for John and I as we prepare for this trip and for court, for knowledge for our attorney, and for the judge to extend grace to us crazy Americans walking in there "taking his children". By the way, he told a friend of mine that "Americans can't just walk in here and expect to take our children easily". It's backwards and frustrating, but it's what we are dealing with.  We may or may not get a verbal ruling on that day...usually it is a week-a month (yes more waiting) before you get the written ruling. After the written ruling, we can take custody of her in Uganda and begin our exit process, which is getting a passport for her, getting a visa, taking her for a final health appt., and getting through our American Embassy (which is no easy feat.)

One step at a time....not concerned with all that follows just yet...we just gotta get through that court date!!!

Attorney letters...and an ALMOST court date:)

 I got an email from our wonderful Ugandan attorney, who proposed to the Jinja court, that our hearing be set for Oct. ..and he gave all available dates , which are every Thursday and Friday because that's when they hear adoption cases there. He sent the letter in on Sept. 12th and the Judge's assistant promised him yesterday that he would get back to him very soon with the date. So, I think it's finally going to happen...sometimes I wonder if it ever will! I keep up with adoption blogs of others adopting from Uganda and NO ONE has a date for Kampala. And the bad thing is...I don't know if they will any time soon:( I sure hope they do, so many babies ready to go home with their new family! I am so grateful for our attorney being proactive and switching the case to Jinja to move us along quicker.
Crazy thing is, the first dates were Oct. 3 or 4th, which is crazy because of travel and them being on a different time schedule, we would have to leave at the end of this month to get there a few days before. YIKES! Either way, just glad we are getting a date and moving along:)
I am getting so excited for a friend who is adopting 2 kiddos from the same orphanage (she also is going to court in Jinja and has same attorney) so she can give me the lowdown and also she can see Eliana and hug on her for us. And I will get new pics:)
Please pray for her and her husband (Natalie and Steve) to gain guardianship of their 2 children, Steven and Tracey. They are not related and are both almost 4.
That's all I have as to updates....thank you all for your love and support to bring little miss home.
Amy

Bumps in the Road

When I started this blog last year...I named it "Our Journey to Love in Uganda". I knew on this "journey" there would be lots of bumps and waits and upsets etc....but there's always a teeny bit in me that sees a challenge such as this process and thinks I think I can get through it without all of that...well...how humbling this ride has been!
I can't say we weren't warned! The endless paperwork, the massive financial responsibility, the waiting, etc., courts, judges, attorneys, directors, agencies, and then there's running your own family and life in the process. But, I honestly think that every little setback and "mistake" along the way, has been a part of this plan from the beginning.  I can't do this by myself. My husband can't do this for me. No one can get this adoption done. We are at the hands of an African government for crying out loud, of course I am not in control! ;)
So, I can sit and sulk, and talk about how stupid this is (waiting on Ugandan judges) or I can choose to learn what my lesson is in this wait. I think it's a lesson on PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, and ultimately, and most importantly, asking God for His guidance and not just a prayer to make it all end and get our baby home, but a prayer to thank Him for teaching us in this process, and that in His perfect time, this will all fall together.
It seems like a long time, but after speaking to most international adoptive parents, particularly African adoptions, this is completely normal, and really expected. There are very few people who go through it and don't have to endure some sort of bump in the road.
After speaking with our attorney, we have decided to move our case to Jinja court. Most cases take place in Kampala...but after court reopened in August there is only 1 judge who has reported back in and he is not at all favorable towards American adoptions. Our chances of coming home with Eliana if we went there are pretty slim. So, we are moving our case to Jinja and he said IF the registrar (whatever that is) reports this week, we will have our court date this week. And he is certain our court date will be in October. I am just happy we are doing SOMETHING besides sitting and waiting. All of us who are adopting from Uganda are in the same boat. So, next time I post, we will have a court date ! Please pray for that DATE!

An excerpt

I follow some pretty amazing blogs and I wanted to pass this along, as it describes very well my thoughts!

Staying on the Path

I came across The Brave Girls Club today, and this graphic just jumped out at me because of where I find myself in this adoption process.

I knew this wasn’t going to be an easy thing to do. Of course I knew that. I’ve said all along that the only thing easy about adoption is loving our daughter. But even knowing it was going to be tough, there are at least a dozen difficult things I didn’t know I’d face on this journey before I took the first step.

Honestly, most of the comments and reactions I’ve received have been positive. But sometimes I think that, because children are so tightly woven into their mother’s heart, the enemy attacks moms in a way that dads don’t usually experience.

I had one person ask me how I was going to keep her from becoming immersed in “thug culture.” I guess since she’s black, and we live in the south, to some people — that must be the inevitable outcome of her new life with us.

I’ve fielded intensely personal questions about financial issues, her family story and health history (including the assumption that she has AIDS — she doesn’t), crazy questions related to our motives for adopting her….

I know that most people are just curious and say what’s on their minds. They don’t know anyone who’s done this before.  And I think I’ve been gracious (or at least, I hope so) with my replies.

But I’m a thinker. And when people plant their thoughts into my mind, they immediately take root. And I wonder and question and research and pray, when what I really need to is perform the mental equivalent of spraying Round-Up on these weeds instead of allowing them to grow freely along my path.

I knew this process wasn’t going to be easy. And despite the agony of waiting forever, I can imagine that several months from now, I’m going to look back at this as being the “easy” time — like how pregnancy seems so hard until you’re several weeks into sleepless life with a colicky newborn and realize that you never before truly understood the definition of “exhausted”.

But in that sleepless haze, you also realize that you never before really understood the definition of “love”. And then the beautiful part is that with each child you add to the family, that love just multiplies.

So with every child, you get to live life at a level of love that was previously unknown to you.

It’s crazy how it works that way. That’s why I honestly believe that every child God places in my home — however he or she may come — is an blessed, welcome gift.

No matter how difficult the journey that connects us.

I’m tired, but I don’t think I’m anywhere near the end of this path. Still, I know with complete certainty that it’s the right one to take.

we are still waiting!

I haven't posted lately as I keep thinking I will wait and post when we receive our court date because honestly I thought we would have already received it! But, we are still waiting on that email that says our official court date! The crazy thing about it is..the date could very soon and we could be rushing to leave...or it could be a month away! We won't know until the judges appoint and they give their approval on the date. So we wait, as patiently as possible, and see what happens until then.:)
The boys started school and so I am SO thankful we were here to get them back into a routine and settled before we leave. Gray heads back to the ENT specialist on Monday to have his 3 week post-op surgery checkup. I am praying for a great report on his ear!
Thank you for your prayers, love, and all of your support during our wait! She is out of the hospital and recovering well per Mr. A. We gotta get this girl home and get her healthy!

update

Most of you probably already know that Eliana has had malaria again. She has been in the hospital for the past few weeks in Buwenge, Jinja and had a bad form of it that is the most fatal. The good news is she is responding well to treatment and they are hoping she gets out of the hospital soon. I try to keep most of the details private regarding her case and not get into too many details...but also try to have as many prayers and support as possible that I can from friends and family. I have been a bit frustrated regarding her health and treatment, as I haven't been very informed. Very common there from what I have heard and read, but frustrating nonetheless.
I will try to update the blog more as I hear details where everyone will know what's going on. As always..thank you for all of your prayers and love.

We got submitted to court!

What a busy last week. Gray had a major ear surgery which has a 92% success rate, he is a week post-op. He did well, we had a couple of little scares after he woke up, but everything went perfectly.

Right after surgery in recovery

His brothers have kept him company:)

We got submitted to court on Tuesday, and normally you receive a court date in a few days. However, our attorney informed us, because of court closures and new judges being appointed in Kampala, we probably won't get a date until after they reopen on the 15th of August. It is ironic how our daughter came to us right before once a year court closures. If I had to miss Gray's surgery, his first day of kindergarten, Tyler's first day of first grade, or Eli's first day back to preschool, I would have been so upset! So, as much as we want her home, the timing is actually perfect.

It's hard because we don't know when it will be, and I haven't gotten any new info...but as always on this journey,  we just have to pray and know that we are not in charge this time (or any other time we elusively think we do). God's got this handled. And attempting to micromanage Him sure is a waste of time! So we are focusing on day to day and what we have right in front of us...three little guys that are starting a new year!