What a sermon.

Today was one of those days we all could have stayed in our pjs and be lazy rather than going to church. The problem is, we have done that too many times this winter...and since we started back up with going, I was determined not to let myself make up an excuse. And let me just say, I sure am glad I did.
We started a new series last week called "Fools Paradise". Today was titled, "Clarity vs. Trust". It started with saying how one big lie we tell ourselves is we need CLARITY, but what we really need is trust.

Then we proceeded to go through the 5 Phases of Faith: the reason I am recapping on here is because it was SO unbelievably relevant to our adoption and where we are with it right now. During each phase of faith, I could see our adoption story unfolding.
Phase 1: DREAM- (based on Genesis 12:1-2)- John and I had a dream to adopt one day. As a matter of fact, we said we would "love to do that one day" long before we had our first baby.
Phase 2: DECISION- we made the decision to go for it, and commit to the process of international adoption.
Phase 3: DELAY - oh the delays we have had! Which almost everyone does who adopts from Africa and if they did not, then they are LUCKY DUCKIES! So I hate to complain about the delays, but they do stink.  Our pastor said "Just because a dream is delayed, doesn't mean it is denied." He also said "Faith is not denying reality (for us: there are terrorist threats, there is uncertainty, there is sickness, etc) but rather faith is facing the facts without discouragement."
Phase 4: DIFFICULTY - ok, so we have had that too. Almost to the point of stopping and letting all the obstacles along the way become our destiny, and most importantly, Eliana's destiny.
Phase 5: DELIVERANCE - now this doesn't mean that you get what you thought you were going to get at the end of this phase...it just means you gain something that you otherwise wouldn't had you not stayed the course of faith.
Many people get stuck on the delays...and get tired of waiting and give up..and stop having any faith at that point. If you make it through that, then the difficulty is what is sure to test your faith and to give up.
So, what do we do to avoid becoming a person who is stopping mid way and giving up on faith and what God has in store for us because we think the wait is too long, or the obstacles are too hard, or the risk is too high?
REMEMBER what God can do. Become more comfortable with being uncomfortable. God cares more about our character than our comfort, and it is our job to take a step of obedience and remain faithful.

For so long, even up until I heard this sermon today, I have felt convicted to keep trying...to not give up on this little girl...but I have to say what is so spot on for me about this sermon is that I have asked myself that same question over and over. God, can you please give me CLARITY?....tell me this is the right thing to Do, To Go, To Risk, To BE UNCOMFORTABLE...and I suppose I blindly thought that magically one day, it will all be SO CLEAR. Like the clouds part, the angels sing, and He speaks and says YES AMY, GO, and YES the outcome will be good and worth it.... Um no. Probably not going to happen. But before hearing this today...I suppose I thought it might! Now I know, I don't have to have CLARITY, I don't have to know that everything will work out in our favor and Eliana will be ours, I just have to have FAITH (until the end) and TRUST.
And that is exactly what I intend to do, because no matter how much I doubt, and worry and agonize over my own pitiful need for "clarity"...without faithful trust I will keep spinning my wheels and never get anywhere in my heart.
Thank you God for speaking to me today, oddly enough, I have more clarity now than I have had in a very long time.